nerd it

got this in an email at work today. they're fun.

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
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An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,
because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
lab and get some work done."

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Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
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To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed
in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey,
here comes the Greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic
pause]
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of
blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent
for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a
special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm
going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he
can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at
night?"


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Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
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There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the
machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer
who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer
reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine.
At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular
component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is". The part was
replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a
bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized
accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:

One chalk mark $1.00 Knowing where to put it $49,999.00 It was paid in
full and the engineer retired again in peace.

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Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
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What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

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Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
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An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him. He
walked over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog
spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried
out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you
and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and
put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week
and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look
I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

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Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
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"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

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Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
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Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes
and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly,
"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."