figure out what i need to figure out

kevin quaderer has done what many of us dream about doing. he has quit his job, sold his things, bought a van, converted the van into his home, and has become a bum. a climbing bum that is. oh, and he started a blog to document it. he contemplates:

But why go, now? That's a tricky question, and to be honest, I'm not exactly sure. There are a bunch of obvious reasons, like “it'll be fun!” and “chicks love guys who live in vans, right?” But as far as deeper reasons go, real reasons... I'm still having a hard time figuring that one out. I guess it's part of the mission here.

1. Figure out what I need to figure out.

2. Figure that thing out.

Easy, right?

yes, deep thoughts there kevin. good to hear you have actually pulled those thoughts out of your deeper heart and are attempting to address them.

ive been following his blog and his journey. and frankly, its exciting. exciting to see how he changes. exciting to read about his trip and see pictures of his bloody hands in his "one pair" of pants. he had a great post earlier this week about the business of life. about "firing on all cylinders" he writes:

Like any major change in lifestyle, it takes a while to adapt to life as a full-time climber. As my mind starts to unwind a little bit, it's surprising to see how twisted up it had become running the the rat race of the "real world."

Life can get pretty crazy. When I'm working full time, and trying to stay active as a climber or skier, I'm pretty much firing on all cylinders, all the time. As soon as I leave my desk, I'm usually off to the crag or the gym. Or I'm cutting hours of sleep to squeeze in a few laps in the backcountry before work. Weekends are even worse - How fast can we get to Zion? How many pitches can we do this weekend? Why can't these guys in front of us hurry up, don't they know we only have 19 hours before we have to be back at work?

And in the spare moments when I'm not working, or climbing, or driving to one or the other, those random moments of silence through the day, by comparison, seem empty. The silence seems louder than a car dealership commercial. So I fill it with TV, radio, iPod, computer, cell phone, anything. So long as it's not silence. If I'm not constantly stimulated and entertained, I'm bored.

Which bring me back to today. Today, I'm finally reaching a point where the silence is tolerable again. I took a hike in Arches. I made a few turkey sandwiches. I sat outside for a little while and watched Nick work on a home made bike trailer he's building. I can feel the shift starting to happen in my thinking.

It's a rest day, and I'm finally able to start enjoying a little silence.

exactly.