nerd it

got this in an email at work today. they're fun.

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
******************************
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,
because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
lab and get some work done."

*****************************
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
*****************************
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

*******************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
*******************************
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed
in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey,
here comes the Greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic
pause]
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of
blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent
for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a
special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm
going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he
can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at
night?"


*******************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
*******************************
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the
machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer
who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer
reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine.
At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular
component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is". The part was
replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a
bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized
accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:

One chalk mark $1.00 Knowing where to put it $49,999.00 It was paid in
full and the engineer retired again in peace.

*****************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
*****************************
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

*****************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
*****************************
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him. He
walked over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog
spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried
out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you
and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and
put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week
and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look
I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

*****************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
*****************************
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

*****************************
Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
*****************************
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes
and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly,
"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

i can do a high kick, i can kick it higher than you

i can do a back flip, i can flip it backer than you

and this is why i dont dive in the sea

i was reading up on some chemical warfare mishaps over at dark roasted blend. and was completely shocked and disappointed in the decision makers of this country and world. as deep sea news reports:

"The Army now admits that it secretly dumped 64 million pounds of nerve and mustard agents into the sea, along with 400,000 chemical-filled bombs, land mines and rockets and more than 500 tons of radioactive waste - either tossed overboard or packed into the holds of scuttled vessels." [link]

so...how would a conversation addressing this actually occur? at some point someone had to have made the decision to dump enough nerve gas, mustard gas, chemical-filled bombs, land mines, rockets, radioactive waste, and not to mention things like VX nerve agent into the sea. maybe the conversation went something like this:

kid A: Sir, you wanted to see me?
kid B: Yes I did.
(kid B shuffles his feet, takes a sip of scotch and inhales long on his Malboro.)
kid B: I want to you to take all those VX rockets and sink them in the Ocean about 100 miles from Atlantic City.
kid A: Sir, thats some nasty stuff. Are you sure we want to do that? Joey told me that a drop of that stuff is enough to kill a man.
kid B: Thats right, that why we need to dump it deep into the Ocean. We signed a Chemical Warefare agreement and we have to get rid of it.
(kid B pauses as if he is forming a logical statement in his mind, but is having trouble and instead wants to be golfing.)
kid B: the best place for VX rockets is at the bottom of the ocean. Do it. And dont tell anyone of it. Ever.
kid A: yes sir.
(kid A leaves and dumps over 7000 VX rockets into the sea off the shore of Atlantic City. He then goes to the casinos and makes note to never take his family there on vacation.)

by the way, 200 micrograms of VX can kill a man. that means one pound of the stuff contains 2,267,961.9 lethal doses. and how many rockets did we sink?

7,380.

read more here and here and here

and have a nice day.

how to dispose of a whale

this is the most entertaining, educational, gross, brilliant, classic youtube clip ive seen in quite some time.

enjoy

coloured out and emergency room

my life has suddenly turned crazy. not that it wasent crazy before. its just that for a few weeks now its been relatively calm. but now im surrounded by 1600 colors. to pick from. to paint with. i am painting the entire first floor of my house with a total of 8 different colors.

dont ask.

in the end, it should have a nice feel to it. some strange feelings, some nice, a bit of warm, a bit of cool, and a bit shocking. now everywhere i go i notice the colors. color color colour.

to add to it, at about 3 am monday morning i started carving away at my arm. literally. i decided in my sleep deprived, cleaning toxin - high brain to remove a wart in my arm with a knife. i wont go into the details, but lets just say i got pretty deep. so deep, that in fact, i freaked out. to add to the drama, the hole in my arm is in between my forearm and bicep where theres a lot of veins and important body things. i am a fool. so i drove myself to the emergency room full of embarrassment and total regret. at first the nurses looked at me like i was silly for being there when i told them what the problem was, but when i removed the self applied bandages, they were taken aback. one man said..."wow, you really did a good job at that." (what is that supposed to mean?!?) and of course, i got chewed out by every one of them. but it was a good time to practice humility. i went there because i was afraid of infection getting into my arm and causing... loss of a limb or something. it turns out i need to let it heal from the inside out. they didnt want to sew it up. so they gave me some antibiotics, some special gauze that promotes skin growth, some liquid with germ killer or something, and instructions as to how to tend to my self-inflicted laceration. i really hope it heals soon. but im guessing it will take a month or so. and im taking pictures every day for those of you in the medical field.

so why am i sharing this?

well i wanted to share a few very valuable lessons ive learned in the last few days, that will remain with me for a lifetime:
1) do not, EVER, try to remove a wart yourself.
2) do not use x-acto blades on your body, nor on other bodies.
3) twenty-six year old boys should not even own x-acto blades that are assessable at 3 am, especially when they are high from cleaning substances used to clean kitchen sinks.
4) picking out colors is no easy task.
5) the colors on the color swatches dont look the same on the wall.

oh and someone told me to write a poem about color. ill take a stab at it (though i should really stop "stabbing")

color.
oh you charmer
like a girl
so full of flavor and spice
so beautiful on the paper

but on my wall you stare at me with scowl
you clash
you change the room, just by being in it
and i love you

if only
i could find the right one
that one with warmth that sooths
that brightens up and invites
the one i like.

an experiement of thought

in about 26 minutes. i will be the owner of a 1955 ranch style stone house. complete with a bike trail adjacent to my back yard.

and i can do whatever i want to/with/at/in/on/around it

interesting thought.

squirrel 3

squirrel 3

i want to be a squirrel
i think a black one
with a little fluffy spiked fur tail
and little claws
that i could climb with
(little cute claws)

sharp things can be cute too
cause i could unwrap my acorns - seedlings
and nibble and treasure and store up in my cheek
or i could share one with you - or two

and i could purse my wiskers

deception and waste

pew

(this post has been modified by "my other self" its hard to keep the two inline. sorry if i offended you. (especially YOU, sarah))

The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again." And his disciples heard him say it.

On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple area and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts. And as he taught them, he said, "Is it not written: " 'My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations'? But you have made it 'a den of robbers.' "

The chief priests and the teachers of the law heard this and began looking for a way to kill him, for they feared him, because the whole crowd was amazed at his teaching.

When evening came, they went out of the city.

-Mark 11:12-19

random thoughts

you know her parents love you when they give you the garage door code

this.bigstereo.net rocks

aaron roberts is radical

its hard to start a new business by yourself

ive drunk way too much coffee today

i keep thinking about these monks

how many spouses let their spouses read their journals?

everybody

click here

my bikes

i usually get embarrassed when asked how many bikes i have. its not that im shy or ashamed. i think that it boils down to others not understanding my passion behind bikes. or maybe they just dont understand bikes. or maybe even more they dont understand passion. since i was about 5, i treasured riding my bike. it was my main mode of transportation. it was my main source of fun and mischief. it was my get away vehicle. it was my pimp mobile. and it was rad.

as i grew, it became my fun. it became my hobby. my friend james and i would ride every day. after school during the year, and for the most part of the day in the summer, we would be out riding out bikes. usually on construction sites, making makeshift ramps and jumps. conquering obstacles. testing our limits. and crashing. but sometimes we would venture into the sonoma mountains where we would ride up and up for 2.5 hours. then down in 15 minutes. top speed: 52 mph.

and i think radio freddy has done a fine job this morning describing "the bike room":

Every cyclist needs a place where they can both retreat and hang their equipment, a place where old tubulars go to die and plastic bins divide up small parts and little things that one day will prove their usefulness again. A place where chain lubes and embrocations stand side-by-side, ready to serve both rider and machine. This space maintains a degree of organization that differs as greatly as cyclists do, yet it allows every rider the ability to be prepared to roll out the door in a matter of minutes. It's as much physical space as it is mental space. Whether it's a closet, a corner of the garage, or a full-blown room, the area that houses your gear is called the bike room.

Over the years, my bike room has ranged from a messenger bag to the trunk of my car to a full-on basement complete with a roller cabinet filled with tools and a floor covered in anti-fatigue mats. My brain sees things in retail terms, a result of my years in the bike industry. Hooks for wheels and machines, a cabinet for tools, which is organized by things that open and close (pliers, cable cutters) to screw drivers and allen keys to frame tools. Everything has a place and aids in the efficient flow of bike building, simple repairs and, of course, coffee at dawn. During the coldest winter months, it's a training studio complete with DVD player and rollers: a place to recharge the soul when the roads are unrideable and to tinker on old machines in a sort of "on-going, non-going" project.

The bike room is a vacation, a spa, a bunker, a spin class, a tool shed, and an all around hide-out. The bike room allows me to completely immerse myself in my passion and escape from the outside world.

ive been thinking about hobbies lately. what are they? why do some people have them and some do not? can socializing be a hobby? can praying be a hobby? how about work? how about those people that have a million hobbies? how about trading them off like the latest fashion and collecting a huge mound of crap that was once a passion and now it collects dust. ever been in the store "play it again sports"? incredible. dead hobbies. passions lost. out-grown.

out grow.

i think hobbies and passions are good.
and i get a lot of quality time with myself in my bike room. and on the trail.

kind of like this:
The Lord God took the Man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. -Ge2:15

stunning

learn more here

got this in the (e) mail today

Good morning!

Springfield, Nebraska's Simpsons Hometown Movie is now on USA Today's website at www.thesimpsons.usatoday.com!!

Please take some time to watch our movie and vote for Springfield, Nebraska! We would also appreciate everyone passing this information on to co-workers, friends and family. Voting is scheduled to end on July 9 and the winner will be announced July 10. The winning Springfield will then host The Simpsons Movie premiere on July 26.

For those of you who are not familiar with this contest, Springfield, Nebraska was asked by 20th Century Fox to create a 3-5 minute hometown movie demonstrating our Springfield's "Simpsons Spirit"! We were asked to relate our Springfield to the Simpsons' Springfield and show the comparisons.

I want to thank everyone who helped create our movie and for all the support we have received! Thank you!

Kathleen Fauver

City Clerk

P.O. Box 189

Springfield, NE 68059

(402) 253-2204