I AM who I AM and my memories with Zion

i have just finished looking through some pictures of our church burning. here and here and here. i heard the church burned down this morning from my friend amy. she said that our church Zion, had burned down last night. i said 'are you serious?' kind of like disbelief. i had only been up for an hour and had just finished spending time in God's word and was journaling. i had some bad last night. oddly enough, my nightmares were probably occurring when the fire was at its worse. and so i put on some shorts and sandels and headed towards the church. friends were gathered around on the streets watching the firemen put out the fire. it was comforting to see so many people all gathered around. many eyes were bloodshot from crying. i will admit that i not very affected at the time. one of my initial thoughts was: "if God wants to burn down His own church, He knows what he's doing." and i was so thankful no one was seriously hurt.

i have had experience with God burning things in the past. i once dated a girl in high school who was an atheist. i was a new believer and was in love and though i could convince this girl to believe in God. over the course of a year i slowly discovered she was hardened in her ways and would not believe. she was everything. but one thing. the main thing. and it was a very hard lesson to learn that two people, even though they have everything and seem perfect together, in fact, are very much not good at all together when they dont believe the same religious beliefs. at the time i was too weak to end the relationship, but God was unrelenting. once, while skipping school to go hang out with her, i got into a head on collision on the way to her house. i was fine. the other people in the accident were not. i stood on the sidewalk unharmed and the only thing that kept going through my mind was that God did not want me to be with her. so they totalled the car. then she and i pick out a new car. a black jeep wrangler. the months that followed were filled with fond memories of her and going to the beach and to the redwood forests of california. fast forward a few months. i had moved to ohio and was living with my parents. the girl and i still dated. i was reading my Bible more and growing close to God. i was giving my life over to Him. and after a few months of this, i realized i had to end it with her. i realized that i could not marry a girl who did not love the Lord. and so i called her night in july and ended the relationship. instant relief followed and a sense that i was finally giving God my whole life. every part. He was living. then, the next day after work, i come home park my jeep on the road outside my parents house and go inside. 15 mintutes later i see lots of "dust" outside and go out. the jeeps on fire. the thing burned completely to the ground. melted the asphalt. it looked like a bomb hit it. and i just sat there in the grass watching the fire twist about towards heaven and thought "ok God, now what?" "why are you doing this?" but it wasnt very long until i realized that God was giving me a fresh start. erasing the past. washing me with blood and making that black past white as snow. i love Him for that.

and so i stood there today and looked at this beautiful structure melted before my eyes. with its wonderful stained glass images of Jesus himself broken on the lawn. with rainbows arcing across the droplets of water raining down on Zion. and i had a similar thought. tomorrow was supposed to be a ground breaking ceremony for a new addition to Zion. not any more. God has a different plan. and He waited, like usual, until the last minute. i think He likes the drama. the suspense. the intenseness. i think He likes the glory. Zion church was a beautiful building. a very very beautiful building. it was 8 years ago that i was attracted to the church. for me it began with a tragedy like the building ended today like a tragedy. i went to a service with pastor Stu talking about rules. rules for us as citizens of this country and as children of God. he made this analogy of God and his rules for us are to protect us just like stop lights are there to protect people. when you see a red stoplight, it means stop. its a rule. but its for your own safety. good sermon that was years ago. and that day when i walked out of service, a truck had ran the stoplight at the corner in front of the church and had crashed into a tree on the corner. Stu was right on. and to me Zion was right on.

i was in Zion one night with my good friend nick schulte the night he proposed to heather. he needed me to help prepare everything. i hid up in the balcony as heather came in and nick sung her a song he wrote and asked her hand in marriage.

i was in Zion when countless people were married. if i wrote all their names i think it would be upwards of 20 beautiful ceremonies. all with flowers and music and love and beautiful brides being given by their gentlemen fathers to young boys drooling for their brides.

i was in Zion and in weddings. standing on those steps leading to the alter, swaying back and forth, trying not to lock my knees and Stu calmly and elegantly married beautiful people.

i was in Zion for bible studies with toby and troy and gary as leaders with men who love God. with friends who would die for anyone.

i was in Zion with steve and Jen allen while they ministered to rebel kids with attitudes and freakish hormones.

i was in Zion with donuts and coffee in hand talking to my aunt and uncle kirby and cindy.

i was in Zion with my djembe trying my hardest to worship God with hundreds of beautiful voices all singing in eight part harmony brilliant songs while case and rob and karen and jenny lead with their guitars.

ive sat next to my favorite people in Zion so many times that we could have written novels with all the whispers weve spoken during service over the years.

ive drunk probably 80 gallons of grape fruit juice in Zion.

ive drunk probably 10 gallons of wine in Zion.

ive eaten enough bread to fee 5000 in Zion.

ive prayed to the Lord for so many things while on those old wood floors, and have watched children grow to young adults and still remember when they used to color in their coloring books while their parents apologize for their squeamishness.

and i have gotten to know the Lord a little bit better.

in Zion.

and as i sit here looking at these pictures i do get a little emotional. and i know that all those millions of images and memories of that building will be forever burned into my memory. and theres one more memory that is burned into my memory, and probably the last. it is of it being burned.

but as i stood outside of the building this wonderful spring day, i was not standing with friends looking at our church Zion. instead i was standing with our church Zion, looking at this big old ancient beautiful building in all its glory, in all its splendor, with all its history and it was turning back to dust. it was due time for God to remind us of something. God is in us. God is with us. and this big building, well that was just His means to keep us all trapped indoors for a few hours while he binds us together. while he binds Zion together. and i was bound to Zion standing outside today. i am still bound, and will be forever bound to the church. thats just it. God is I AM. Zion is. there are no building great enough, no cathedrals grand enough, no tent large enough to keep his church bound together. if anything, maybe they keep us from seeing the greater picture, that we are all one big body all together on this earth, all under His most sovereign will and power and love and grace and maybe. just maybe. he wants all to stand outside together once and a while, looking at some rainbows, listening to the birds and seeing little dogs run down the sidewalk and realize that He is a lot bigger than anything we can confine Him too. and He likes his fire. ;)